I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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