I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
