That's intense
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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