Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
