from now on my penis is your penis
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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