Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
