Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
