Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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