The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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