maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize