she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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