he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
