: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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