did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
