Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
