Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
