Tell her she can't have a vagina
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
