i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
