The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
