Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
