I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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