Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
