Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
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i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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