The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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