She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
false alarm, still single
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
