i think i have herpe
just one?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
