any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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