Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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