I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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