if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
