Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
