another moral hangover. fuck.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
