What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
