no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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