he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
