Dual....:-)
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My bed smells like the plague
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
