hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
