Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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