come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
