matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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