she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
