got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
