there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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