Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Randomize
