the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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