take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
