Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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