Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
