why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
