The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
