K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
