You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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