Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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