first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
