Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
