You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
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I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
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It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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