I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
