Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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