you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
