Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think pants incapable of making pants work
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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