listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
