Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
