I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
