Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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