I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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