if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
