you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize