i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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