To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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