I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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