Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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