Your mouth is God's brothel.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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