alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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