I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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