WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
