How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
