My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
