Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
