We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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