He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I got inside last night via doggy door
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
