"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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