I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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