the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
