Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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