Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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