i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
