Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
